For a long time, I struggled with positive self-esteem. I didn’t look in the mirror and see someone beautiful. I looked in the mirror and immediately started critiquing. I always felt like I wasn’t pretty, like I didn’t measure up to what I thought “beautiful” was supposed to look like. I carried this belief that being a chubby, dark-skinned woman made me undesirable. In my mind, that meant I was the type of woman people overlooked, not the type they chose. The hardest part is that I didn’t just dislike what I saw. I didn’t appreciate it at all. I didn’t see softness, strength, beauty, or uniqueness. I only saw what I thought was wrong, and I let that become the story I told myself every day.
I finally realized the negative self-talk wasn’t the key to my happiness. It was the very thing keeping me stuck. Something had to shift, and I knew it had to start with my mindset. Slowly but surely, I started to notice something changing. My light started to shine again. I began to understand that real beauty doesn’t begin in a mirror. It begins within. And once I felt that shift, I wanted to celebrate it in a real, intentional way. I decided to do a photoshoot. Not because I suddenly became perfect, but because I finally felt proud. What better way to celebrate the new me than to put myself on display for my 50th birthday?
Of course, I had fears. Would the photographer actually guide me through poses? Would the makeup artist know how to properly match and complement a woman of color’s skin tone? I wanted to feel seen, supported, and celebrated. The morning of my session, my nerves were on overload. I was so nervous I could barely eat. But deep down I still knew I had made the right decision. Almost immediately, the nervous energy started to disappear. Joni and her team had a way of making me feel comfortable without trying too hard. They were kind, confident, and reassuring.
Once hair and makeup started, I truly felt like a queen being pampered. And when I saw my first reveal after hair and makeup, I couldn’t stop smiling. I remember thinking, Wait… that’s me? In that moment, I felt beautiful in a way that felt natural.
As Joni guided me through each pose, something shifted again. I felt beautiful. Fearless. Sexy. That level of guidance made me feel confident because I wasn’t guessing. I was being coached. And honestly, Joni had me so far out of my comfort zone, I’m convinced I would’ve taken a picture hanging from a chandelier if she told me it would be the money shot. That’s how much I trusted her. For the women who carry the same fears and insecurities I did, I want you to hear me. Let it go. Release the negative voice, the comparison, the old story that tells you you’re not enough. You are beautiful right now, as you are. This photoshoot wasn’t about proving anything to anyone else. It was a gift I gave myself. A moment to honor my growth, my courage, and the woman I’ve fought to become.
